WASHINGTON D.C – Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck …
The Free Peach’s 2024 Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With every election season, The Free Peach’s Editorial Board endorses candidates and measures relevant to its readers. Our endorsements rely on thorough …
Continuing the Halloween Spirit? Project Partner Still Ghosting You
BERKELEY, Calif. – Trick-or-treaters and rave-goers alike were shocked at the stunning dedication to Halloween that occurred today on campus, ranging from the furry club …
Guy in Skimpy Costume Has His “Halloweenie” Out
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a brave display of borderline public nudity, Chi Psi brother Grant N’Pants wore a skimpy yet also somehow unrecognizable costume to …
Satan Bested by 21-Year-Old TikTok Witch
BERKELEY, Calif – Reports surfaced this past week of Satan, also known as Lucifer, being ousted from his regime as ruler of Hell by a …
“Why I Am Not Running for President,” Explains Bob Avakian to Empty Auditorium
BERKELEY, Calif. — All six members of the Revolutionary Communist Party (REVCOM) have flocked to Sproul Plaza in order to campaign for their non-campaigning candidate …
“NUH-UH”: Rhetoric Professor Responds to Proposal Shutting Down Department
BERKELEY, Calif.– In response to Chancellor Lyons’ decision to eliminate the Rhetoric department and absorb it into the English department, Professor Wourd Smith penned a …
Survey Finds Modern Man’s American Dream is Being Rich Enough to DJ on the Side
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif.–– Yesterday afternoon, new reports came in from Burning Man exit polls showing the new target for young, untalented, Elon-worshiping tech bros: being …
Big Al’s to Accept EBT for Fruit-flavored Vapes
BERKELEY, Calif.– Great news for underage nicotine enthusiasts! Local smoke shop owner and Italian-American mobster Alfredo “Big Al” Mancini announced that customers purchasing vapes at …
Cuffing Season Accompanied by Red Flag Warning
BERKELEY, Calif. – Northern California residents are encouraged to stay vigilant as a red flag warning has been issued for most of the Bay Area …