BERKELEY, Calif – Through Instagram’s display of accounts who have liked a certain reel, senior Samantha Jones was shocked to discover that her friend nicknamed …
Tap Haus Collaborates with Fort Knox in Groundbreaking Security Overhaul
BERKELEY, Calif. – Thanks to a new partnership with Fort Knox, Tap Haus is enhancing their security to guard their prestigious 3.8-star Yelp rating. While …
Student Named ‘Nobel Laureate’ Disappointed to Find Their Car Towed
BERKELEY, Calif. – It’s easy to think that parking enforcers are out to get you, specifically. To Nobel Laureate, a pre-Haas freshman, this feeling is …
LEAKED: Memo Shows Trump’s Prospective Cabinet Picks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With only two months to go before President-elect Donald Trump is inaugurated for his second term, he has begun to announce his …
Opinion: I Deserve a Sweet Treat for Writing this Article
As I sat down at my computer this Sunday to start my first ever Free Peach article, I suddenly found myself completely drained of motivation …
Opinion: I’m Leaking Coffee Shop Bathroom Codes and Don’t Give a Crap
If you’re anything like me (an “Ok, but first, coffee” soul trapped in a lactose-intolerant body) you’re always in search of the next toilet. But …
Crabs Show Out in Droves to Vote for Seafood Boil Party
OLD BAY, Md. — Thousands of crabs marched sideways to the polls Tuesday in order to let their cancrine voices be heard by electing The …
IT’S OVER: Someone Sat in My Unassigned Seat
It was a beautiful morning. I was greeted by the sounds of the birds chirping, my alarm blaring the Kars 4 Kids song, and my …
Superb Announces Enrollment Time Slots as Next Giveaway
BERKELEY, Calif – To the relief and surprise of students across campus, ASUC Superb announced on Monday its next highly anticipated student giveaway: class enrollment …
Massive EEG Attached to the United States, Scientists Amazed by Complete Lack of Brain Activity
ZANTHRON, Ullrstar Galaxy– In an exclusive press conference on Zanthron-67, intergalactic scientists revealed their findings on the baffling medical anomaly occurring on planet Nova-3 (commonly …