We regret to announce that the long-awaited revolution is going to be a little late – ten minutes late, in fact. Or maybe twelve. Sorry, …
The Free Peach’s 2024 Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With every election season, The Free Peach’s Editorial Board endorses candidates and measures relevant to its readers. Our endorsements rely on thorough …
Considerate Biden Drops Out Only 8 Months Too Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After weeks of debate regarding President Biden’s mental sharpness and ability to formulate basic sentences without sounding like a 400-year-old corpse, he …
APEC: U.S. and China Reach Diplomatic Agreement to be Horrible Together
SAN FRANCISCO – U.S. President Joe Biden and Chinese President Xi Jinping made strides towards a stronger alliance by reaching a diplomatic agreement to be …
Shocking: Fewer Than 1% of American Voters Value Candidates’ “Stance on the War of 1812”
WASHINGTON, D.C – A new nationwide poll by Gallup found that while most registered voters picked inflation, abortion access, and cost of living as key …
8 “Crimes” the Woke Mob Will Cancel You For
1. Arson
Man’s built it for millennia, but now broken society says fire has to stay in a designated area. What would you even call that? A “fire place?” Look who sounds stupid now.
Man Decides This the Year to Be Politically Active in Wake of Favorite Strip Club Closing Down
BERKELEY, Calif. – Local first-time-voter Gerald Thompson decided to participate in November’s election out of ‘absolute necessity,’ after local establishment WunderLust Gentleman’s Club closed last …