LOS ANGELES, Calif. – Public opinion polling amongst your family has reaffirmed the sentiment that Thanksgiving this year is a drag without Repeckah, your beloved …
Asking “What Are Your Plans After College?” and Four Other Signs Your Family is TOXIC This Thanksgiving
Ah yes, you can hear the fire cracking over the familial chatter in the other room, and the spirit of giving and love is omnipresent …
How to Repent for All Those Construction Paper Pilgrims You Made in Elementary School
“In honor of Thanksgiving, I’m going to have you all make decorations out of construction paper that are wildly insensitive if not flagrantly racist. Luckily, you won’t realize that they are until several years from now when your educators finally stop lying to you about the atrocities of our country’s history.”
A Failure of the Justice System: Turkey Pardoned by Biden Murders Twelve
“In my thirty-five years of committing horrific injustices, I have never seen an injustice this horrific,” opined Police Chief Rubnock P. Postlethwaite of Brook County, South Dakota (which is hundreds of miles away from Washington D.C. and has no connection to the mass homicide incident). “Honestly, my heart goes out to the families. No turkey should be allowed to go around murdering civilians like that. That’s the job of trained law enforcement.”
HBOMax Brings Back Smallpox for Special One-Time Thanksgiving Reunion
NEW YORK — HBOMax has announced smallpox as the latest recipient of a 2020s reunion and popularity resurgence. “We’re excited to bring Thanksgiving back to …
Gobble, Gobble: 3 Ways to Make it Clear That You Eat Ass at Your Thanksgiving Family Dinner Table
Buckle up, Thanksgiving season is here, which means it’s that time of the year where you get to sit down and get down and dirty …