LOS ANGELES, Calif. – Public opinion polling amongst your family has reaffirmed the sentiment that Thanksgiving this year is a drag without Repeckah, your beloved pet turkey.
“Sometimes I think I see her gorgeous plumage and disgusting red gizzard out of the corner of my eye,” said your Uncle Tony, basting a well-seasoned turkey. “It’s been a tradition to start every year with Repeckah saying grace – she had the most lovely way of gobbling. We’re still celebrating this year, but how can we celebrate without her? Her high chair is still at the head of the table, empty, next to her bowl of wriggling maggots, berries, and small reptiles. I just hope that wherever she is, she can see us together.”
Tony, who wept as he placed the perfectly-roasted turkey on a silver platter in the center of the table, is not alone in his upset. Your mom has also spent time reminiscing on the family foul, and shared her thoughts while sharpening a carving knife.
“Repeckah was part of this family and she’ll be with us forever, somewhere deep inside of us,” she lamented as she dropped a generous drumstick on your plate. “Sometimes, you have to make the hard decisions to let go of the ones you love. And, sometimes, you have to make the harder decisions to keep the things you love, to pluck them, slather them in oil, rub them with a blend of 15 herbs and spices, and cook until they’re white on the inside. Being able to make that decision is maturity.”
Yet maturity is but a luxury, and the little siblings are confused and devastated at Repeckah’s sudden absence. Your younger brother Sean has been recounting favorite memories on repeat, sniffling through tears.
“Remember when Repeckah and I used to play ‘pin the tail on the Turkey?’ Yeah, she hated that game,” Sean said, staring at his feet, while your aunt stuck a meat thermometer in the turkey on the table.
At dinner time, Repeckah was eulogized as a “wonderful, plump, flavorful member of the family who will live on in our fridge.”