BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the renaming of Boalt Hall, UC Berkeley has turned its attention to other controversial buildings on campus.
“LeConte Hall was originally named for the LeConte brothers, who were early Cal professors,” explained Paul Fine, Chair of the Building Name Review Committee. “It has come to our attention, however, that Joseph LeConte was a blue-eyed white supremacist. He displayed 3000 attack points against Union soldiers and 2400 defense points toward the institution of slavery. In light of this, we have chosen to honor Exodia, the Forbidden One, instead. A monster who needs no introduction, Exodia’s outstanding contributions to the 2000-2004 Yu-Gi-Oh! anime speak for themselves. Renaming in his honor felt like the only appropriate choice; I will give no further details.”
The Physics Department has not commented on renaming their campus building, but some of its members have been vocal.
“I could take or leave the LeConte name,” confessed Physics Professor Maximillion Pegasus. “On one hand, I don’t know that renaming the hall would actually address the past, so much as just cover it up. On the other hand, I’ve dedicated my whole adult life studying Quasinormal Behavior of Neutrinos in the Shadow Realm, so I’m excited to see Exodia getting the recognition he deserves. While we’re at it, we can stop glorifying atomic bombs in our historical display cases. I’ve repeatedly offered to loan the Department my full Yu-Gi-Oh! Funko Pop! collection to put out instead, so I’m hoping the administration starts responding to my texts about it.”
Unlike Pegasus, Chancellor Carol Christ seemed wary of the scenario.
“I don’t really get these Digimon,” kvetched the Chancellor. “What are they again? Monsters? In your pockets? Wh- why would you want those? I’ll admit that I tackled a few pocket monsters in my day, but I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing. Ha! But really, this committee, they come to me with the wackiest name ideas. Turning Barrows into Super Nintendo Hall? Sproul Plaza becoming Delfino Plaza? Kroeber Hall changing to restored Ohlone land? I don’t know what any of that means! Still though, my little Marc likes those silly games, so I’m gonna let ‘em have their fun with all this make-believe.”
Mirroring the Exodia decision, the City of Berkeley has opted to disavow George Berkeley’s slave-owning history and rebrand as the City of B-B-Bewkewey >w<.