When I accepted my offer to the ultra-woke liberal cesspool that is UC Berkeley, I knew I would have to make some sacrifices. Number One: no more wearing my American flag thong in public. As much as it hurt my pride and my patriotism to put on a shirt and some pants, I knew that the woke mob at this school would tear me down like a Confederate statue if I ever let my love for this country stand firm and erect. Number Two: no more carrying my RPG-2 Rocket-Propelled Grenade launcher. The Left has no respect for the Second Amendment or self-defense, so I resigned myself to making do with my ArmaLite AR-15, Ruger AR-556, Colt LE6920, and a couple Sig Sauer P938s for good measure. Number Three: no more ‘Merry Christmas.’ I’ll admit, this one was tough, but after a few weeks of practice, I finally managed to say ‘Happy New Year!’ like a Godless Cal communist.

All of these trials have left me battered and scarred — but not broken. The Lord leaves His hardest battles to His hardest warriors, after all, and I’m harder than anyone else here. That being said, The Lord’s tests are starting to become unbearably difficult, even for me. In their latest attempt at woke indoctrination, the university is forcing me to attend lecture for Poli Sci 4 (Introduction to Political Theory) at 8:00 AM.

Normally, I would be able to withstand whatever woke garbage this university has to throw at me, but this is a bridge too far. Class at 8:00 AM???? Seriously??? Even Pontius Pilate had the decency to crucify Jesus at 9:00. At 8:00 AM, I don’t even have the energy to rebut every single one of the Professor’s points or talk over all of my female classmates. How can I be an effective student of politics if I’m too sleep-deprived to explain why straight white men are the most oppressed group in America?

It’s obvious that this is a far-left psy-op designed to eliminate conservative voices from the classroom. Stalin employed similar tactics in his Siberian gulags — waking up prisoners at the crack of dawn so they would be too drowsy to question their state-mandated ‘reeducation.’ Berkeley may not be Siberia, but some mornings it feels pretty damn close. The icy stares I get from my peers every time I bring up the white genocide certainly contribute to a chilly atmosphere. Maybe if I wasn’t floating in and out of consciousness, I’d be able to effectively dismantle their retorts, but as it is I can barely keep up with what they’re saying. ‘Syllabus?’ ‘Discussion Post?’ ‘Readings?’ It all sounds like woke noise to me.

This is why I urge any patriots out there to join me in standing up against the university’s attempts to force their wokeness onto us. It’s time to STOP cancel culture and START canceling classes — specifically 8:00 AMs. I am so fucking tired of being forced to accept their woke agenda, and more importantly, I am fucking tired. 

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