BERKELEY, Calif – To the relief and surprise of students across campus, ASUC Superb announced on Monday its next highly anticipated student giveaway: class enrollment slots. Although a departure from their usual events, the reaction to Superb’s announcement from students has been overwhelmingly positive.
“Listen, I never thought there’d be a day where I’d have to follow @asucsuperb and @ucberkeleyofficial, like a Pinterest templated Instagram post, and then tag my study buddy if I wanted to graduate, but you know what, if it means getting Econ 140 in Phase 1 then fuck it we ball,” senior Chase Lewis said as he furiously joined the giveaway on his fifteen burner accounts. “I mean, maybe making Superb the sole proprietor of enrollment slots ala Ticketmaster is the final, damning death knell for our educational system, but hey, it’s better than my fuckass Nov 29th 3:00 AM CalCentral slot.”
Concerns about Superb’s ability to handle an event of such a large scale were raised, but according to the organization, their “flawless track record has proven itself to be a foreteller of success.”
At press time, the Berkeley administration was seen deliberating over which other essential student needs could also be streamlined into a social media giveaway.