LOW EARTH ORBIT—In an unprecedented turn of events aboard a Blue Origin tourist flight, broadcast journalist Gayle King lost track of singer and spiritual herbalist Katy Perry during what was intended to be a light, guided spacewalk for Instagram content and vague personal growth.
“She was right next to me one second,” said King through a visibly forced smile on a livestream Blue Origin debrief, “and the next, she just… floated off, quietly humming Wide Awake. I assumed it was part of the mission. She said that if she needed help, we would hear her Roar.”
“All we knew about her is that she told the public she wanted to join the flight ‘for the STEM of it all,’” explained an anonymous source aboard. “We warned her repeatedly not to detach her tether during the space walk, but she said she needed to ‘feel the cosmos raw’ and kept chanting ‘kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me, Infect me with your lovin’. Fill me with your poison’ while gesturing to Earth’s curvature.”
Efforts to retrieve Perry were delayed by Lauren Sanchez’s demands that the crew dissolve the filler that had migrated to her cheeks during zero gravity. NASA rocket scientist, Aisha Bowe, ultimately fixed Sanchez’s botox before casting an asteroid-sized net to pull Perry back to the ship.
Blue Origin confirmed that she has since recovered and is in “stable, emotionally sponsored condition,” though her first words upon return were: “Did Fallon see that?”