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British Museum Miraculously Understands How to be Respectful to a Dead Body
LONDON, United Kingdom – On Thursday, members of the British government were saddened to learn about the loss of a revenue stream also known as …
Ugly Students Protest the Tearing Down of Evans Hall in Solidarity
The protest lasted several hours, and included speeches made by prominent members of the club. The president, amidst roaring cheers from the crowd, made a speech outlining CUCK’s distaste with the university’s decision to tear down Evans Hall. In a dramatic conclusion, he began a lively chant, “Get up! Get down! There’s an ugly movement in this town!” The chant soon caught on, but became muddled as it made its way through the crowd. Dozens of protesters sympathetic to the cause could be heard yelling “Get down! Get down! There’s an ugly member of this crowd!”
Dorm Decorating Time! 4 Cute Mirrors From Target That Will Exacerbate Your Body Dysmorphia
Welcome back to campus! There’s nothing quite like putting your own personal touch on your room as you decorate for the upcoming semester – but …
OPINION: I’m Not Forgiving Student Loan Until She Actually Apologizes
Student loan and I go way back. We met at the end of my senior year of high school, and at first, everything was picture …
Fraternity Kappa Alpha Order Hosts Diversity Training in Robert E. Lee Conference Room
Content Warning: This article contains content discussing Confederate Army generals, slavery, the Klu Klux Klan, and more generally, white men being racist pieces of shit. …
Freshman Found Adhered to Floor of Frat House Just Wants to Go Home
BERKELEY, Calif. – Late Sunday afternoon campus officials responded to reports that freshman Cindy Falseton had been inadvertently stuck to the basement floor of the …
UC Berkeley WarnMe: AVOID THE AREA OF Doe Library (I’m There and Look Really Good, so I Don’t Want You to Feel Bad)
Please note this message will definitely contain information that you will find upsetting. On 04-04-2022 08:30:00, I looked hot outside Doe Library. At approximately 09:25:00, …
Putin and Carol Christ Share Enthused Fist Bump Over Displacement of Innocent People
BERKELEY, Calif. — During a surprise visit to the Bay Area, Russian President Vladimir Putin and UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ met to discuss the …
Male Feminist Watches Euphoria for Sydney Sweeney’s Personality
BERKELEY, Calif. — As Euphoria viewers debate whether or not Sydney Sweeney’s nudity in Euphoria is “necessary vulnerability that adds to the art” or “just …