BERKELEY, Calif. — As Euphoria viewers debate whether or not Sydney Sweeney’s nudity in Euphoria is “necessary vulnerability that adds to the art” or “just …
Tragic: Hometown Tinder
SAN FRANCISCO — Nationwide, college students home for the holidays have dared to attempt one of the bravest and horniest activities known to humankind. Psychologists …
I Lived It: I Got Lost Exiting Main Stacks and Somehow Surfaced at Shen Yun 2018
I remember it like it was yesterday. I had done a couple of hours’ worth of work in Main Stacks (like a champ) and was …
QUIZ: Tell Us Your Hogwarts House and We’ll Tell You You’re a Fucking Nerd!
Cover image courtesy of Wikipedia.
Santa’s Elves Excited to Take Seasonal Break From Working Behind MLK Amazon Lockers
BERKELEY, Calif. – With the holiday season now kicking into full gear, Santa’s elves are moving back up to the North Pole for their Christmastime …
HBOMax Brings Back Smallpox for Special One-Time Thanksgiving Reunion
NEW YORK — HBOMax has announced smallpox as the latest recipient of a 2020s reunion and popularity resurgence. “We’re excited to bring Thanksgiving back to …
Garbers Comes Out Against Testing, Including His English Final
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, …
Report: Kindles Are Actually Very Cool and the People Who Use Them Have a Ton of Sex
BERKELEY, Calif. – A new, highly factual study has emerged illustrating that the elite few who read using Kindles are actually very cool and have …
Halloweekend Lineup to Include ‘Super Hot Chicks and Culturally Appropriating Dicks’ Party
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a long-winded brainstorm session, the Berkeley Interfraternity Council came to the exciting conclusion that “Super Hot Chicks and Culturally Appropriating Dicks”-themed …
Society Finally Sexualizing Asian Men Due to Fictional Game Where They All End Up Dead
LOS ANGELES — Thanks to the sensational worldwide Netflix hit Squid Game, our society has completed a full 180, effectively putting an end to the …