Grab your stoles and champagne and head over to campus to capture this love and celebrate! Use these cute poses to show off your grad moments and incredible friend group to the world – excluding Jessica, of course.
4 Creative Ways to Acquire a Trader Joe’s Sweatshirt Besides Giving a Stellar Blowjob
You have been positively dying for a chance to get your hands on a Trader Joe’s sweatshirt. The question is how to get your hands on one. While nobody should ever underestimate the power of a stellar blowjob — and if that is the course of action you choose then all the power to you, my fond, fellatio friend — but we do have some alternative methods so that all bases (interpret this metaphor as you wish) are covered.
BREAKING: New Student Admit Confesses They Love to Go Out, But Also Love a Chill Night In
“I love reading, baking, hiking, being outside, drinking water, and breathing air. And can’t forget boba!! I also lovvee The Office, so shoutout to my fellow fans with an elite sense of humor :P”
Frats to Supply Bids for Women’s History Month Celebration
“We at Sigma Alpha Epsilon absolutely love women,” stated brother Luka Dobbs. “We even have a cup formation in beer pong in their honor: ‘tight pussy’– you’re welcome, ladies.”
How to Outdoor-Cafe-Eye-Fuck Your Way Through a Pandemic, You Horny, Deprived Motherfucker
Since the start of this pandemic (or should I say, pandemi–cock-block), our collective capacity for lusting, thrusting, and jammin’ the clam has… well, plummeted. We pitiful, possibly fertile sex-machines are horny as fuck. But rest assured.
Vegan Co-Op Enjoys Delicious Meal of Quinoa, Beans, Quinoa, and Also Whip-Its
BERKELEY, Calif. – The vegan student cooperative house prepared an excellent meal the other night consisting of a quinoa salad appetizer and a quinoa bean …
Heartbreaking! Sophomore’s LinkedIn Profile Edited From “Business Administration” to “Econ”
BERKELEY, Calif. – Two weeks ago, admissions decisions from Berkeley’s Haas School of Business were released, consequently prompting a flurry of LinkedIn activity. “Econ is …
The Free Peach Applicant FAQs
The Free Peach is a student-run news satire publication. We were founded in early 2019 by a group of disgruntled Black Sheep writers who wanted revenge. We’ve been losing popularity ever since!
Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life
According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump.
Organizers Plan to Make People’s Park a Regents’ Scholar So the University Actually Respects It
The decades-long battle against the university over People’s Park is gaining traction once again, aided by a new initiative to make the park a Regents’ Scholar.