“To be honest, we knew [Sabin]’s whole ‘quality loss’ thing was a crock of shit,” the advisor said. “But he’s polite, he understands basic hygiene, and his parents have donated $100,000 to the department every semester since he transferred here.”
Frozen 2: Man Arrested for Having Sex with Olaf Doll in a Supermarket
The Olaf doll was promptly destroyed after the Florida man’s acts, sending a signal to Floridians statewide that doing things like that is not okay.
TFP Presents: RuthWatch
As I contemplate the hold that my government has over my rights, opportunities, and access to my own medical services in a land that is supposed to be “free,” I sit and wonder. What is freedom? I close my eyes and think of RBG.
BREAKING: Spike In Incest Porn Popularity After The Release of Frozen 2 Trailer
The clues are all there. In the new trailer, Anna and Elsa are shown venturing into the “Forbidden Forest.” You know what else is considered “forbidden”? INCEST!
Fiji Sincerely Sorry Its Homophobic Slurs Were Caught On Video
“We promise that this will never happen again because while we’re not going to address the deep-rooted homophobia and toxic masculinity in our organization, you can be damn-well sure we’ll be quieter next time!”
Shocking: UC Berkeley Fraternity Organizes Volleyball Tournament for Charity
“We actually lost a lot of money doing this event,” claimed (ΒΜΠ) Philanthropy chair Trevor Blench, “the sand cost us like $7,000. It seems a little ridiculous in hindsight when there is a perfectly good beach volleyball court a few blocks away. But fuck it, now we have sand in our backyard how epic is that! So much beer die and Spikeball opportunity.”
10 Ways To Justify Your 13 Section Absences In Your Course Taught Exclusively In Socratic Seminar
Fear not, we’ve come up with 10 unique ways to convey your 14% attendance rate to your GSI, Marvin.
What You Need To Know Before You Watch Endgame!
The biggest cinema event of a generation came out this week! Here’s what you need to know before you watch!
If You Do Not Fill Out Your Course Evaluation, I Will Unilaterally Wage Jihad (By Your Professor)
I realize that my implicit association of the concept of jihad with the acts of political violence I will definitely inflict on you if you don’t fill out your course evaluation has the ultimate effect of fostering links between Islam and terrorism. As you have guessed, I don’t care, because I am Islamophobic.
10 Songs You NEED To Play At Your Spring Date Party
We guarantee that no matter who’s throwing the party or who you’re there with, these 10 songs will electrify the party like nothing else.