You logged onto Facebook last night and suddenly everyone’s photos were anything BUT themselves. Who are all these people, what are the running from, and what is the ASUC? Well have no fear plebians (read: non-humanities majors who have better things to do than help run elections) we here at The Free Peach will answer all your questions about the ASUC.

  1. The ASUC is productive.
  2. The Three Parties of the ASUC are the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.
  3. The ASUC was created in 1969.
  4. Eshleman is where Cupcakke lives.
  5. ASUC stands for “Adam Sandler’s Unwanted Comedy”.
  6. Profiting off your ASUC office by selling merchandise is fun and cool and people will definitely buy what you’re selling…
  7. Every time a Facebook profile picture is changed for an ASUC campaign, an angel gets its wings.
  8. Everyone running for an ASUC office genuinely wants to be your friend.
  9. Everyone who works for an ASUC campaign genuinely wants to be your friend.
  10. We genuinely want to be your friend.
  11. The ASUC is made up of lots of children piled on top of each other wearing long trench coats.
  12. Alec Wilfart is the President of the ASUC.
  13. He is going to be offended by the comment above.
  14. He owns one color of shirt, gray.
  15. The ASUC is productive.
  16. The ASUC gets a lot done and never gets caught up in unnecessary politics between two political parties that are basically the same because we all go to Berkeley and are hyper-liberal compared to the rest of the country.
  17. The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the ASUC.
  18. The ASUC offices are located in that section of Dwinelle that everyone gets lost in.
  19. The ASUC is really good at getting back to you when you contact them.
  20. Sorry, edit from the number above, ASUC actually stands for A Super Undulating Caterpillar.
  21. ASUC elections have better campaign finance laws than actual US elections.
  22. If you tell an ASUC senator “Go” and they don’t respond with “Bears” they are legally required to turn into dust.
  23. ASUC officials are motivated entirely by their communities and not by social capital or resume building.
  24. Avika Shaffer, the third member of Lonely Island that no one remembers, was an ASUC Senator.
  25. Your mother was an ASUC Senator.
  26. Jesus was an ASUC Senator.
  27. No one in the ASUC is performative at all and they all do exactly what they say they are going to.
  28. If you see an ASUC Senator on campus and don’t recognize them, a fairy dies.
  29. All of the ASUC profile pictures were taken on an iPhoneX.
  30. We’re running for ASUC Office of the (p)EA(ch)VPeach.
  31. Vote for us.
  32. Running for Senate is authentic and fun.
  33. People run to be part of the ASUC because they actually care about Berkeley, not to put it on their resume.
  34. ASUC Senators never go on a power trip.
  35. When someone changes their profile picture on Facebook to someone else it’s because they literally turned into them like Tonks in Harry Potter and then took an identical photo.
  36. The ASUC is productive.
  37. ASUC Senators turn into the chairs in Eshleman Hall after they graduate.
  38. Everyone really cares about ASUC elections.
  39. We put more work into writing this article then many Senators put in for the whole semester.
  40. Only if you’re in CalServe are you allowed to represent a community, if you’re in Student Action it cancels out all your other identities and now you’ve turned into a white straight male.
  41. We love the ASUC.

Wow! So many facts about the ASUC haha that was wild lol.

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