Do you ever wonder what that classmate who leaves in the middle of a discussion section without their backpack is actually doing? Sure it’s probably getting a drink of water or heading to the loo…but what if it isn’t? Here are a couple alternatives:

  1. Filling up their water bottle.
  2. Taking a break because the supply and demand curves are a heavy subject.
  3. Accidentally calling their ex-boyfriend and then hanging up really quick but the ex-boyfriend sees it anyway because somehow iPhones work quickly like that.
  4. Going to another discussion section they double booked like Hermione Granger in Prisoner of Azkaban. Oh, you haven’t seen it yet? Oops! 
  5. Answering a cry for help from the Mayor of Berkeley, oh shit is Maximus Magnetman a superhero?
  6. Letting the urine stream flow.
  7. Getting a black bottom muffin from Yali’s, fuck those are good.
  8. The Dark Arts.
  9. Getting their tennis racquet restrung.
  10. Facetiming their dog while their mom holds the phone in front of its face and talks in a really high pitched voice and projects feelings they want the dog to have onto the dog while the dog is just thinking about the thicc Bergamasco shepherd on the other side of the backyard fence.
  11. Poop.
  12. Switching their laundry from washer to dryer.
  13. Going to clock-in for their shift of being really loud and obnoxious in Haas library.
  14. Half showing their Cal ID to the work-study student doing City Planning HW and checking IDs at Moffitt library and then asking themselves if they could have held up an actual halved grapefruit with some sugar on it and still gotten in.
  15. Getting their laptop stolen at Strada.
  16. Listening to country music or something idk.
  17. Using a compostable straw which quickly gets soggy and bent and sucks, and then switching to a plastic straw and stuffing it down a sea turtle’s nostril when they’re done with it and feeding the plastic cup to an orca.
  18. Peeing.

So next time you see someone hastily heading out of Dwinelle 51 it might not be for what you think, it probably is though.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.