BERKELEY, Calif. – A new, highly factual study has emerged illustrating that the elite few who read using Kindles are actually very cool and have a ton of sex.
“Well, the study certainly checks out,” stated Iggy Gardner, president of the Kindles Are Actually Very Cool and the People Who Use Them Have a Ton of Sex Club. “I wonder what organization conducted that research. Whoever they are, they must be very prestigious, and quite possibly also very cool and have a ton of sex.”
Another member of Gardner’s club, Shay Donahue, also contributed his thoughts.
“Before my Kindle, I was not cool and I didn’t really have any sex. After my Kindle, which I bought two hours ago, I became the exact opposite. We just can’t help it that Kindles are actually very cool. And that the amount of sex us Kindle users have is a lot. It’s great that this new study also shows that.”
Upon request, the study’s publishers shared a comment.
“This study was conducted with the utmost scientific principles in mind,” said the primary investigator, Iggy Gardner, who is also president of the Kindles Are Actually Very Cool and the People Who Use Them Have a Ton of Sex Club Fan Club.
“We used a lot of data, which was provided by all of Iggy’s fellow club members, and extracted results from there,” explained the secondary publisher, Shay Donahue, who is also the only other member of the club.
At press time, peer reviewers were busy confirming that Kindles are actually very cool, and that the people who use them have a ton of sex.