Listen. I get that mom’s been lonely since dad disappeared. I’m happy that she’s putting herself out there. Alden treats her well and is good …
Waitlist to Deepthroat Oski’s Cock Grows Longer, as Does Oski’s Cock
BERKELEY, Calif. — Recent reports from CalCentral confirm that, as of last Friday, the waitlist for UGBA 69 (“Deep-Throating Oski’s Massive Cock”) has grown to …
Report: Kindles Are Actually Very Cool and the People Who Use Them Have a Ton of Sex
BERKELEY, Calif. – A new, highly factual study has emerged illustrating that the elite few who read using Kindles are actually very cool and have …
Cal Hacks, but does Cal Fuck?
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a weekend of ideating, designing, coding, and collaborating, the world’s largest collegiate hackathon came to an end. However, at Cal Hacks …
Don’t Tell Prof. Reich: Capitalism is Only Okay When I’m Fucking a Hot Capitalist
If my Wealth and Poverty class has taught me anything, it’s that capitalism sucks and we should have all sucked Karl Marx’s dick when we had the chance. For the most part, I’m in total agreement, but it’s just so hard to hate capitalism when I’m gettin’ it good from a straight-neck, Patagonia-wearing, ripping-hot motherfucker on the Haas-to-heathen pipeline.
Guy in Philosophy Class Really Interested in the Morality of Incest For Some Reason
*Below is a retelling of a zoom recording that was sent to us through our anonymous tip line* “Hey uh… Professor? Sorry to interrupt, but …
Batteries from iClicker Relocated to Vibrator
On Friday, January 31st, UC Berkeley student Dana Howells relocated the batteries from her iClicker 2.0 to her vibrator, a move that has earned her …
Was That The Hayward Fault, Or Is Your Roommate Boning Someone In The Top Bunk Again?
Could this be “the Big one”? But then you remembered that your roommate in the top bunk is a total floozy.