Man Easily Navigates Dwinelle, Still Unable to Locate Woman’s Clitoris

BERKELEY, Calif. – As Berkeley students once again struggle with the endless labyrinth that is Dwinelle Hall, one man has emerged champion, remarkably finding his classroom within mere minutes; the location of his girlfriend’s clitoris, however, still remains a mystery.

“It was no big deal,” shrugged a bashful Justin Lawry to a roaring sea of fans. “I sorta stepped through those doors and, I don’t know, I just had a gut feeling. Something deep within my primal instincts almost seemed to sing to me; next thing I know I’m taking a right, another right, a left, another right, another left, walking up two flights of stairs, crawling through the tunnel that connects the north and south wings, taking a left, climbing up a ladder, taking the slide down the other end, and taking another right. Boom. I was there.

4 Creative Ways to Acquire a Trader Joe’s Sweatshirt Besides Giving a Stellar Blowjob

You have been positively dying for a chance to get your hands on a Trader Joe’s sweatshirt. The question is how to get your hands on one. While nobody should ever underestimate the power of a stellar blowjob — and if that is the course of action you choose then all the power to you, my fond, fellatio friend — but we do have some alternative methods so that all bases (interpret this metaphor as you wish) are covered.