BERKELEY, Calif.— Chancellor Carol Christ of the University of California, Berkeley, recently consulted a ouija board to make a decision about the institution’s upcoming graduation ceremony. 

The ceremony was indefinitely postponed due to the proliferation of COVID-19, more commonly known as the coronavirus.  

The rite of passage remains important to many seniors, such as Kaitlyn Kwon. 

“I really wanted to walk across that stage and celebrate my accomplishment with my family,” said Kwon. “I made sure to fill out the senior survey regarding commencement, so I’m just hoping we get to have it at a later date,” Kwon added.

The survey, which was sent to all graduating seniors, was filled out by nearly 75% of eligible students. 

“Oh that data?” said Chancellor Carol Christ. “We might take a peek, but I have something even better!” Christ said while holding a Ouija Board aloft. 

Christ then retreated to her candlelit office to consult the oracle. 

The sound of Christ speaking in tongues could be heard through the shut door, but we at The Free Peach don’t have the budget to hire translators. We’re sure the decision will be made soon, though!

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