BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the announcement that UC Berkeley would officially transition from Piazza to EdStem for course communications, students and faculty are outraged as to why class announcements will be on Ed but not Edd or Eddy, a perceived slight to the two other protagonists of the hit Cartoon Network television show.

“It’s a complete abomination,” junior Marcus Stevens exclaimed. “Look, we all love Ed. He’s the lovable dummy of the group. But for the Regents to be so blatant in their favoritism towards him is truly disgusting. How can they completely disregard the intellect of Edd and the craftiness of Eddy? This is a serious oversight we need to address.”

As a result of this collective anger, a community action group dedicated to the equal representation of Ed, Edd n Eddy has formed to lobby for their cause. Ed, Edd n Eddy Equal Representation Party (EEEERP) Spokesperson Jenny Chung had much to comment:

“Before this incident, the Ed, Edd n Eddy community was fractured with three main parties for each protagonist, respectively, as well as a handful of extremist fringe groups dedicated to individual side characters. I’ll be the first to admit that my friend Sally and I used to attend the occasional Rolf Party or even Plank Party rally. But in times like these, we must come together and forget our differences. I’m happy to say, every group has joined together with the notable exception of the Ed Supremacist Group, run by Sally Rossi.”

With more to share on her views was Sally Rossi.

“Jenny is correct that we used to be friends… but things have changed,” Rossi told us. “I became an Ed Supremacist because he’s the real star. He’s what gets the laughs. The Regents got it right: Ed matters more. Jenny could never understand. She never did, ” Rossi continued, hinting further at some kind of complex backstory of lost friendship and power dynamics between the two that would make for a great Paul Thomas Anderson movie.

When asked for comment, the Regents Board simply replied with a letter that read “;) (this means we like to stir shit up. We put this explanation in parentheses to make sure it was understood as intended).” 

At press time, both Chung’s Ed, Edd n Eddy Equal Representation Party and Rossi’s Ed Supremacist Group were reported to have received cease and desist letters from Nickelodeon.

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