BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley sophomore Alex Rickman has been talking way too much about how sick he is in the kitchen these days, annoyed sources report.
“The kitchen is my happy place,” Rickman said while stuffing half-a-grand worth of Berkeley Bowl groceries into his fridge. “There’s just something magical about the culinary arts. And besides, who doesn’t love a man who can cook? I post at least a dozen poorly lit photos of the rat shit meals I make on my Instagram food account every day so my followers know I could treat them right.”
Although initially supportive, housemate Martin Lee’s attitude toward Rickman’s new interest is beginning to sour.
“I mean it’s cool he found a hobby, but it’s really hard living with him when all he does is talk about high smoke point cooking oils and simp for celebrity chefs. The other day he suggested we go fifty-fifty on a $400 Williams-Sonoma immersion blender because I ‘would totally use it too.’ What the fuck is an immersion blender? And why is there a photo of Gordon Ramsey in our bathroom?”
Fellow sophomore Jennifer Porter is also having a hard time putting up with her friend’s behavior.
“I wanted to be nice and make him some scrambled eggs one morning when he was really hungover, but all he did was criticize the fact that I didn’t put any chives in them,” stated Porter. “I tried reasoning with him that as a full-time college student struggling to get by I don’t exactly have the time or money to keep my fridge stocked with niche perishable herbs, but he just kept talking about how Berkeley Bowl prices are worth it if you’re serious about food. I honestly can’t believe that this is the same guy who would cut in line for soggy tater tots at Croads.”
At press time, Rickman’s account ‘@alexgrubs’ had 14 followers on Instagram.