BERKELEY, Calif. — Yesterday, freshman Griffin Armstrong was left stuck holding the door open for each of his 600 fellow CS 61A students, sources well on their way out report. 

“I’m just in a tough transitional phase in my life, y’know,” mused Armstrong. “JUST when I think I’ve got my opening, another student comes by! I could leave and just let someone else takeover, but wouldn’t that just be rude to all the other people that I didn’t stay to hold the door open for? I’ve got time before my next class anyways,” he commented nonchalantly, tumbling to the floor as his legs wobbled with atrophy and turned to dust. “It’s alright, really.” 

By the time Armstrong felt comfortable letting go of the door, the next year of incoming freshmen already enrolled and strolled in and out of the class.

“I heard this class was famous for the student who was stuck holding the door forever. I was shocked to see that he still was!” reported Class of ‘27 freshman Kristi Borganfnople. “I wanted to say hi, but by the time I got up to him, he had already withered away.” 

Senior anthropology majors flocked to the site in hopes of finding strong evidence for their thesis projects, excited at the prospect of observing the remains of a real-life 21st century specimen that was yet to be interned in the Art Practice Building. 

“…………………………………………..” said the pile of Armstrong, jaw mandible hanging open in shock and awe of the fresh Class of 2383 CS61A students still leaving the lecture hall. He continued, “………………………….” 

Visiting astrozoology students from the University of Gyorgalax, Zelton 09-3A campus could hardly contain their ‘Horthian ovipositors’ at the chance to observe how a real Earthling student might have attended lecture. 

“⌇⍙⟒⟒⏁ ⍙⍜⍀⎅⌇ ⍙⍜⍀☍ ⎎⌰⟟⋏⏁ ⌇⌿⎍⟒⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ⌰⟟⏁ ⏃ ⌿⟟⋏⟒ ⏁⍜⍀☊⊑,” commented Zelton 09-3A student ⍀⟟☊⊑⏃⍀⎅ ⋏⟟⌖⍜⋏, which left reporters everywhere in awe and paralyzed by the arcane wisdom of ‘the universal truth.’

At press time, Armstrong’s ashes were quickly vacuumed up by a campus custodian.

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