CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico — Writer and director of the hit show White Lotus, Mike White, revealed that Season 3 will not only take place on the beaches of Mexico, but was also filmed this past week as sorority girls flocked to the Cabo scene. White explained his themes of class disparity and white privilege will surely continue into the new season (with added scenes of public intoxication and a new filming venue, El Squid Roe).
“All we ever needed were sorority girls!” White exclaimed this past weekend. “Once we realized we could just strap a camera on the Kappa girls and let them run wild, we fired all of our actors on the spot. Tequila Tuesdays became Tequila Ten O’Clock Every Mornings, and the alcohol-fueled fights were unmatched! Because of this alcohol consumption, I was initially worried the drug use would not outdo Seasons 1 and 2, but boy was I wrong. We now have footage of drugs I have never seen before in places I never expected them to go. Those girlies sure do get creative with their lines!”
One Kappa member, Marge Arita, provided a whole episode of entertainment by throwing an exclusive beach party.
“My daddy gave me a few thousand dollars to throw the ultimate beach bash,” Arita explained the following morning. “Cabo really is the perfect place because it’s all about partying! I had some locals rope off a section of the beach to make sure no unvinited guests showed up; it felt good giving them something to do because they probably just party all the time. They set up some cabanas too, and I honestly feel bad for anyone who doesn’t get to experience a sunset cabana massage like I’ve been having every evening. I can’t believe there are people who choose not to relax and let loose during spring break. Like my friend Avery who actually decided to stay in Berkeley and work at her job this week. That totally sucks, right!”
Sources say Arita’s KappaKam™ captured all of her party’s extravagant activities, including jetskiing and embracing their idea of Cabo’s “culture.”