Oh, it’s that time of year again. Time to rub your trip to European paradise in your stupid little friends’ faces. Enjoy “free home-cooked meals” and “family,” nerds—couldn’t be you. You’ll be spending what’s left of your savings on a 23 hour, four-layover trip to Paris. Je suis livin’ la vida loca. “But how can you afford that?!” someone asks. You know you can’t. Don’t answer. Don’t check your bank account. Hell, run if you have to. But never admit the truth. Here are three pro gaslighting tips to avoid the question and pretend that Europe over spring break is light work—thank me later.
- “RyanAir is SO cheap!”
Here we have the LeBron James of budget travel gaslighting. The crème de la crème of problem avoidance. You can use this phrase in just about any context—someone swipes up on your Instagram story documenting your impromptu trip to Prague? “RyanAir! 😛” When you inevitably make your spring break post, you could include “(courtesy of RyanAir)” after the Spanish/French/German sentence of your choice to let the world know you’re a polyglot—but you’re humble. No one else needs to know about your $2k American Airlines round trip or the $100 in excess baggage charges you had to pay to just bring your arms and legs onto RyanAir.
- “I’ve been saving :)”
Saving what, exactly? It sure as hell isn’t money—you spend double your income on subsisting in your overpriced Southside apartment. Your proximity to Asian Ghetto is disastrous to your credit card, and you wake up in regret on Saturdays after one too many “this one’s on me”s the night before.
But I’ll stop—I’m supposed to be supportive here. This’ll be bound to work, people will start thinking you’re investing in mutual funds or a Roth IRA; they won’t know that saving really means paying your credit card bill off before it seems like your total balance is astronomical.
- “You can make back money, but you can’t make back years.”
Now this supremely philosophical version of “YOLO” is bound to get you at least a few nods. If the first two tips don’t work, this ultimate avoidance tactic is your best bet; people will know that you’re quirky and seek experience and they’ll completely forget about your overwhelming student debt. Here’s a scenario where this line might be used.
Herb: “Hey Joshington, you’re spending your entire life savings over one week. Maybe we should think about that!”
Joshington: “Listen Herb, you can make back money, but you can’t make back years.”
Herb: “So true, king.”
Hopefully, these tips completely mitigate any and all dubiousness regarding your financial instability and keep people distracted enough so you can run away to your week in paradise, ignoring the inevitable and all-encompassing lack of motivation you’ll experience when you get home. For more travel tips, make sure to check out “Electrons, A Bag Of My Baby Teeth, and 3 Other Objects I Managed To Fit Under A RyanAir Seat!”