JERUSALEM — In the midst of the IDF’s continued onslaught of Gazan civilians on Saturday, top religious authorities have found that bombing men, women, and children does not violate the prohibition of electricity usage during the Jewish Sabbath.
The decision has been met with mixed reactions. Emma Holston, a Jewish student at UC Berkeley, shared her perspective. “I can’t even use my blood glucose monitor on Shabbat, but apparently, launching missiles is kosher? I guess the ‘no work on Shabbat’ rule has a ‘unless you’re launching apartment-destroying missiles’ clause. I must have missed that part in the Torah.”
Meanwhile, the IDF has welcomed the ruling with open arms, emphasizing that safety is paramount and requires divine exceptions, even when the rule has no exceptions.
“We are grateful for the understanding of our religious leaders,” stated an anonymous IDF soldier while adjusting the bomb blast radius on a drone. “Rest assured, even if our hands are busy right now when we go home, we will continue to abide by Shabbat like everything else – no Bingo Blitz or Call of Duty: Modern Warfare for me!”
When asked for comment, no one was able to be reached, due to electronic answering machines required to be turned off for Shabbat.