BERKELEY, Calif. — In a romantic gesture that has stirred hearts across UC Berkeley, the campus’s online administrative portal, CalCentral, has begun placing “affectionate holds” …
Opinion: I’m Celebrating This Weekend With a Super Bowl
Gather around the couch, make your favorite snacks, and turn on the TV, because this weekend it’s time for the super bowl. Wait, what’s this …
Taylor Swift Tells Environmental Activists To ‘Shake It Off’
LAS VEGAS, Nevada. — In a decision resulting in white women becoming the most defensive group since the time people asked them to stop filming …
Opinion: Something About the Bourgeoisie Doesn’t Sit Right With Me
As a Political Economy major, I have become familiar with the works of many political theorists, most notably Karl Marx. After reading the Communist Manifesto, …
Report: Yes, You Do Look Like a Fucking Loser Waiting for Your ‘Friends’ at Strada
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following their legacy of derivative research studies that no one asked for, researchers at Stanford University have confirmed that you (yes, you) …
Update: God Misinterpreted My Prayers to ‘Get Soaked’
I seldom pray to God. The only times I’ve prayed to God have been: during college admissions decisions, before confronting my parents about my childhood …
Judged Too Soon? Professor Actually Kind of Cool
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Junior Ruby Cornejo rescinded her reprimands this Thursday after realizing that her political science professor may actually be kind of cool. …