BERKELEY, Calif. – Responding to concerns about a paucity of available undergrad research positions, the College of Letters and Sciences has successfully opened a variety of new URAP positions for Media Studies majors. Initial details reveal that these jobs mostly require posting to the “Calfessions” Instagram account and the Berkeley Subreddit.
“Seeking tech-savvy undergraduates for hands-on experiments in social media manipulation,” begins the official listing for the position. “Necessitates 10-15 hours weekly of creative writing, mostly involving constructing farcical scenarios to anonymously post on social media. Applicants should be comfortable fabricating blatant lies about sexual virility and promiscuity, including (but not limited to) with GSIs, your ex, their friends, and other anonymous (nonexistent) individuals. The more absurd, and the more unreadable, the better. The objective of this study is to measure the effects of disgusting and outlandish posts on Berkeley-specific social circles. Research deliverables include: data monitoring the percentage of readers to log off of social media after reading these posts, engagement in the comments decrying/supporting frivolous stories, and raw maximum counts of misinformation spread using the internet. Applicants are recommended to include a short statement about a hookup that is almost certainly a lie.”
At press time, L&S chronicled 296 applicants in the first 24 hours of the listings’ availability.