BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Saturday, April 4th, inside sources leaked the plans of a partnership between Yogurt Park and the vape company, Geek Bar. Offering the perfect experience of procrastination, the two companies decided to collaborate in producing a Miami Mint Geek flavor with real nicotine, served exclusively at the quaint ice cream window.
“When I checked the lineup on Instagram and saw they combined the two staples of my diet, I ran as fast as I could. Who am I kidding? I walked, but I still went ballistic,” raves Unit 3 Resident Chelsea Schmidt, who frequents the shop at least twice a day, “Andes mint used to be my favorite, but this is addicting! Whenever I think of studying, I come here to take my mind off the burden. It’s like a reward.”
Just in time for the summit of midterm season, the collab offers another thrilling way to ruin your health.
“The Miami Mint flavor offers the taste of summer break I’ve been craving,” sighs business frat survivor Bryan Gordely, “Until then, hitting my Geek Bar and wasting time in YoPo’s line are the best ways to relax this semester. I’m coming back tomorrow.”
Like most YoPo frequenters, he can “stop whenever he wants to”.
When Menchies was asked about how Northside is taking this new development, the soft serve machines rattled and rasped, “Fuck, this was supposed to be us. One day people will willingly walk here, and it’ll be over for all of you… At least we offer a place to sit—we got like five tables! That’s enough to fit all the people you know from Northside!” Sadly, no one seemed to hear these cries but a few Etcheverry victims and antisocial STEM majors.
Until then, the future doctors of Berkeley, both YoPo enthusiasts and not, prepare to open their doors to an influx of patients they will see in 20 years.