TRADER JOE’S – On Shabbat, the staple grocery announced its plans to unveil a new line just in time for Yom Kippur: Trader Jew’s. The …
Superb Books Erika Kirk For Tribute Concert
SPROUL HALL, Berkeley, Calif. – Less than a week after Superb hosts Between Friends, a new rumour has hit the streets of Telegraph — leaving …
Mike Wazowski Drops Oozma Kappa after Elephant Walk
MONSTERS U, Monstropolis — All Mike Wazowski wanted was to be a part of touse. However, now he bidlessly roams the streets on Saturday night …
Missing Home? Situationship Calls You Mommy for Mother’s Day
BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Sunday, children around the U.S. rejoiced with love and thanks for Mother’s Day. However, as finals loom closer and the men of …
YoPo Reveals New Flavor: Miami Mint Geek Bar
BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Saturday, April 4th, inside sources leaked the plans of a partnership between Yogurt Park and the vape company, Geek Bar. Offering the …
Berkeley Drops WARNME for Ditto
SAN FRANCISCO BAY, Calif — On a rather chilling evening, to the dismay of all of Berkeley, a tragedy struck once again: Ditto.AI was planning …
Trump Pardons Turkeys of Sex Crimes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In traditional holiday spirit, President Trump pardoned not one, but two lucky and surely culpable turkeys. The two turkeys, named Clill Binton …
Loser Freshman Still Doesn’t Have Date for Homecoming
BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …