BAY AREA, CALIFORNIA — Well, well, well, yet another summer has come and gone, and I’m still unemployed. Between the dipshits at [Insert AI …
REPORT: Revolution Delayed by Berkeley Time
We regret to announce that the long-awaited revolution is going to be a little late – ten minutes late, in fact. Or maybe twelve. Sorry, …
Locked in? Hardworking Student Still Stuck in Moffitt
BERKELEY, Calif – Since the closure of Moffitt (fan-favorite yapping spot and alleged “library”), students around campus have been forced to procrastinate literally everywhere elsewhere. …
Berkeley Edges Spring Weather
Berkeley fucks me in a number of ways – the lack of walkable grocery stores, drivers who shouldn’t even be allowed to play Mario Kart …
Healthcare Wizard? Dr. Oz Proclaims Americans Must Defeat Wicked Witch to Claim Medicare Coverage
WASHINGTON, D.C – In a stupefying turn of events, President-elect Trump has officially nominated Dr. Mehemet “The Great and Terrible” Oz to oversee Medicare, prompting …
Opinion: I Deserve a Sweet Treat for Writing this Article
As I sat down at my computer this Sunday to start my first ever Free Peach article, I suddenly found myself completely drained of motivation …