WASHINGTON, D.C.– After a stressful day of prompting AI to make racist videos for social media, Epstein associate Donald Trump held a brief press conference …
Yes, Everyone Saw You Watching Heated Rivalry Edits on the First Day of Lecture
DWINELLE 150, Calif.- Look, while syllabus week can at times feel repetitive and boring, it doesn’t mean I can’t see you watching fullscreen fan edits …
Prop 50’s New Districting Map Revealed: Newsom a Little Too Creative
SACRAMENTO, Calif.– Reports out of Naughty Newsom’s office today show he took one too many eddies before drawing the new districting map for the ongoing …
Loser Freshman Still Doesn’t Have Date for Homecoming
BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …
Heartbreaking! DOGE Cuts Funding to Research Lab Days Before Finding Cure for the Male Loneliness Epidemic
BERKELEY, Calif.- In an effort to distract from the fact that incel-King Elon Musk could be doing anything useful at all for anyone, his newly …
Survey Finds Modern Man’s American Dream is Being Rich Enough to DJ on the Side
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif.–– Yesterday afternoon, new reports came in from Burning Man exit polls showing the new target for young, untalented, Elon-worshiping tech bros: being …