BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …
Campus Bathrooms to Now Require Two Factor Authentication
BERKELEY, Calif – News from top Berkeley officials broke late last week about the implementation of a new widespread campus policy. In line with the …
Progressive Win! Fraternity to Replace Bid System with Weight List
BERKELEY, Calif. – The Theta Meta Feta Fraternity has been receiving attention for their most recent pronouncement which has sparked both praise and outrage in …
OPINION: Everyone Except Me Should Stop Raising Their Hand in Lecture
While not a professional yapper myself, I do dabble in endeavors like these, where I write on Instagram for attention, so I feel qualified enough …
UC Berkeley Announces Exciting 150+ Community Member Giveaway!
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a long-awaited team-up between two all-star administrations, UC Berkeley has officially announced the beginning of their collaboration with the federal government …
Stanford Medical School Loses Key Funding After Grad Student Fucks up Brussels Conference
STANFORD, Calif. — Stanford University School of Medicine’s recent $55 million dollar donation is in jeopardy following gross misconduct of a graduate student at the …
Project Partner Sends When2Meet to Decide When to Send the When2Meet
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a thrilling display of productivity fit for an unpaid internship at Tesla, sophomore Nein Tofive sent his unsuspecting CS project partner …
BREAKING: Monday Class to Start with Midterm
BERKELEY, Calif. – Due to totally foreseeable and controllable circumstances, many Monday classes are accommodating the two weeks worth of missed classes by having students …
Graduating Rausser Student Tosses Out Confetti Alongside All Principles
BERKELEY, Calif. — After four hard years of studying the environment and why it is important to protect, graduating Rausser student Talullah Messmacher commemorated her …
Pope Leo XIV to Install St. Peter’s Basilica’s First McDonald’s
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo XIV made his debut as the world’s first American pope, promising to demonstrate his dedication to the Catholic faith as …