BERKELEY, Calif.- A groundbreaking new study from the UC Berkeley Institute for Delayed Consequences and Medicinal Misinformation has confirmed what thousands of college students and …
BREAKING: You Coughed. Everyone Noticed. They’re Talking About It.
TOKELAND, Calif. — The blunt had barely kissed his lips when freshman Jimmy Pendrix took one hit, exhaled, and immediately let out a ruptured-lung cough …
Scientists Discover New Sativa Strain to Help Man Remember Every Mistake Since 2008
BERKELEY, Calif.– Scientists at Berkeley’s premier cannabis research institute, the Rausser College of Natural Resources, have successfully developed a new sativa strain that forces users …
Something Wrong? Call Anh Bong
BONG LAW OFFICES, LLP – Operating out of an abandoned dispensary across from People’s Park, Bong Law Offices LLP has experienced an influx of clients …
Glade at Capacity: ‘IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BID YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN’
THE RESTING SPOT OF THE MASSES – CA At 4:20 AM, a wave of shock rattled the Berkeley community as the glade reached full capacity. …
Top Dog Bravely Speaks Their Truth: “I’m a Bottom”
BERKELEY, Calif. – After suffering years of abuse from Tap Haus patrons slamming sauerkraut and hotlinks down their gullets, Top Dog announced he had enough. …
The One that Got Away? Gayle King Loses Katy Perry Mid-Space Walk
LOW EARTH ORBIT—In an unprecedented turn of events aboard a Blue Origin tourist flight, broadcast journalist Gayle King lost track of singer and spiritual herbalist …
Heroic Pedestrians Cross on Red to Prevent Reckless Drivers from Going on Green
BERKELEY, Calif.– A group of fearless students recently took a stand against the “tyranny of cars” at the infamous intersection of Bancroft and Telegraph Avenue …
Rich Lyons Announces All Construction Will Be Finished The Semester After You Leave
BERKELEY, Calif. – For students growing weary of Cal’s recent construction bonanza, administrators have finally promised an end in sight. Unfortunately, that date is, miraculously, …
The Free Peach’s 2025 ASUC Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With one of the largest pools of power hungry maniacs, kids who peaked as high school student body presidents, and self-important resume-padding …