BERKELEY, Calif. – Like most men of his age and maturity level, yet another Linguini-looking Diet Coke-addicted man who refuses to use soap to “save …
Lonely UC Berkeley Seal Just Wants a Hug, or Any Touch Really
As the semester comes to a close, the official UC Berkeley seal outside Moffitt has sadly reported it received no physical contact this past year and that students were actively avoiding it. Though ideally seeking a hug, the seal has stated that even being stepped on by a fresh Reebok would be a pleasurable alternative.
Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold
As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.