God Confirms He Isn’t Dead, Just Went Out for Milk

In spite of God’s literal, physical manifestation on Sproul, many of His doubters remain unconvinced of his existence.

“If God is real,” began renowned logician and meme inventor Dickhard Rawskins, “why hasn’t he given me the Limited Edition Ultra Rare Pyrus Bakugan I’ve been praying for since third grade? He didn’t give it to me then, and he isn’t giving it to me now, so clearly he is either not real, or a real bitch.”