BERKELEY, Calif. — CalCentral has stated that it is not actually down for maintenance from 3:00 AM to 6:00 AM PST, but that it is down to fuck in secret at this time so its partner bCourses won’t find out.

“Do you know how hard it is being married to bCourses?” whimpered CalCentral.  “I’m constantly bombarded with announcements, discussion posts, and assignments whenever I talk to them. What kind of spouse sends their partner assignments? bCourses — more like bitchCourses. I need a break and to discover some new exciting love. I’m always sending people messages that they have holds when all I really want is for someone to hold me.”

CalCentral’s ad has attracted the interest of some other unhappy local Berkeley websites.

“I think I’m going to hit up CalCentral,” confessed eTang as it alerted the entirety of Theta Chi that they have Covid. “I’ve been with the RSF for some time now, and while they have a great body and mean well, they are too much of a gym-bro for me. Like, I get that the RSF likes health food and is into yoga, but I really just want to make love at midnight and drink champagne. 3:00 AM isn’t midnight, but it’s close enough. I’ve always lowkey had a thing for computer people. I’m getting turned on just thinking about CalCentral railing me with its shopping cart over and over again.”

Berkeleytime has also expressed interest in CalCentral, but it has reported that it doesn’t plan on replying to their ad until at least ten minutes after three.

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