BERKELEY, Calif. — First-year Cal student Tanya Pierre recently exerted her revenge on her calculus professor of four months.
“Professor Face makes students feel dumb for asking questions— if he even responds to the emails containing those questions,” Tanya began her course evaluation before primal urges to eviscerate the professor took hold. “It feels good to say — and I mean, like weirdly good to say — he deserves a 1/7 on proficiently teaching the material. I don’t think my vitriol for this man should be my only source of dopamine during dead week this year, and yet here I am! My tuition should be going to the Indian man on YouTube who makes videos on derivatives.”
Her comments crept toward the evaluation’s character limit.
“He always wore his mask under his nose. And another thing,” she continued, her legs shaking with, uh, power. “He makes me want to switch majors! And he…he…he— and I think I’m going to cum while writing this, I want the whole course staff to know— he assigned a final project in the last two weeks of class!” Tanya’s roommates, who witnessed her typing the evaluation, report that her eyes rolled back as she dominantly hit the submit button.
Professor Richard “Dick” Face expressed concern at the evaluation.
“Um, I feel a little uncomfortable commenting on this, but I didn’t think I was that bad,” Professor Face assured. “I mean, sure, I was thinking of my unrelated research every waking moment that I was teaching the course, and sure, I got annoyed when they couldn’t keep up with my completely reasonable pace and asked dumb questions. But that’s normal. Gen Z students complain about everything.”
Although Professor Face received some of the lowest ratings amongst all the professors in his department, he did not take it personally, and maintains the stance that the students should’ve just been smarter.