BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal sophomore Sigmund Lloyd was a bit too vocal in his PoliSci discussion this week, spouting dubious economic values while seemingly forgetting that he consumes whole milk in his free time.

“He kept spouting off about laissez-faire economics or stuff he heard on podcasts or something, but it was even harder to drown out his incessant chatter than normal. I had seen him in the Clark Kerr dining hall this afternoon double-fisting two glasses of milk. I couldn’t stop thinking about it,” Lloyd’s classmate Mud Bugly confessed. “It sealed the deal for me not liking that guy. Why did he need two? Why was he drinking milk at 2:30 pm? Is one not enough to, like, quench his vile, corrupted thirst?”

After the incident, Lloyd faced so much backlash that he posted a video response on his Instagram story attempting to defend his indefensible habit.

“It’s not weird, guys! It’s a great source of protein, and frankly it’s delicious. I have no idea why drinking milk has become so stigmatized— it’s really not that big a deal,” Lloyd stated as a single white, milky tear formed in his right eye. “I’m just doing my part to support the great, unerring American cattle industry.”

Since the incident, a number of students have come forward, wishing to remain anonymous, describing their own encounters with Lloyd’s milk dependency.

“I sat in horror, as I watched him absolutely guzzle down glass after glass of dairy milk,” an anonymous student wrote on a Berkeley Confessions social media page. “It’s horrifying how little respect he has for those around him—his milk drinking made me a milk-drinker by association… Just the thought of it makes me sick.”

On the upside, Lloyd’s calcium intake has surely fortified his bones enough to withstand the crushing weight of finally realizing nobody cares about his opinions regarding milk or political economy.

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