BERKELEY, Calif.– “Don’t Stop Believing,” Journey’s seminal, ‘80s anthem, has long stupefied the world of music scholarship with the cryptic midnight train going anywhere. However, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley have, through a grueling investigation, determined that anywhere is actually Millbrae/SFO. 

“I mean it was so obvious–how could we be so blind?” pondered senior researcher F. Ratborough. “I mean listen to the first lyric – a small town girl going anywhere. I mean, hello? Obviously she was from Berryessa, getting lost on the last Red Line train of the night, and ended up following it all the way to the end of the line somewhere on the Peninsula. All the evidence points right to it; ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ is not just a call to action, it’s a reminder that you have to have faith that you know where BART is taking you.”

Vocalist Steve Perry recounted the origins of the anthem and the inspiration behind its recording at Berkeley’s legendary Fantasy Studios. 

“Oh yeah, that whole song is all about BART — you see, we were trying to come in from Powell in SF to the Downtown Berkeley stop so we get on the first train we see, right? Well, they have these labels like ‘red line’ or ‘yellow line’ but it’s not like the train has any colors on it right? So we get on the last train of the night – the midnight train – and there we are: Rockridge. And even worse, that ‘streetlights, people’ lyric? Totally refers to the drunk students we saw on College while walking towards campus – the 51B wasn’t running.”

When reached for comment, the Bay Area Rapid Transit Authority responded that they were “big fans of Journey” but “they’re not getting a BayPass even if they give us all the royalties in the world.”

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