BERKELEY, Calif. – Yesterday at 1:00 pm, the UCPD-integrated ‘UC Berkeley WarnMe’ announcement system alerted the campus community of the pressing and timely explosion of Mount Vesuvius. The email message read as follows:
“There has been a large-scale volcanic eruption that has decimated the ancient Italian city of Pompeii. The explosion occurred around mid afternoon, around 1300 hours, on August 24th, 79 C.E. We advise avoiding the area around Pompeii, if possible.
We will provide updates via WarnMe as we learn more. UCPD and other emergency personnel are responding.”
Students expressed confusion, but not surprise at the alert – like housemates Daniel Martin and Margot Mescal. Martin attested to thinking ‘For sure’ to himself before immediately sending the alert email to his spam folder; Mescal had more to comment.
“I mean I thought it would maybe be about the campus-wide power outage,” remarked Mescal, who pondered the WarnMe message for about a second more than her roommate. “But then I remembered what school I go to.”
The systematic failure of the University to adequately prioritize and maximize safety has been the subject of recurring campus discourse, particularly after WarnMe’s apparent inability to both alert students and address the severity of a gun-related incident near Sproul Plaza on Friday, February 9, during which shots were fired. However, according to campus officials, producing time-sensitive alerts is a great systematic challenge.
“You see, Warn Me is a delicate software, really high tech stuff,” explained WarnMe representative Susan Dumvitch, gesturing behind her desk to 27 hamster wheels, housing a startling collection of sprinting guinea pigs powering a 2005 Macintosh. “You can’t rush the system or it could shut down completely, which is why our Mount Vesuvius notification was just a bit behind schedule.”
While WarnMe’s G-Force may be working hard to keep students up to date, the lack of effective safety warnings has reportedly been frustrating, confusing and anxiety-inducing. Some students have even abandoned WarnMe completely, in favor of apps like Citizen, or even more effective: their club Slack.
“I opened my phone and had at least 25 messages in the Cal Trilingual Gluten Free Jazz Band Slack telling me that the power was out because a volcano erupted or something?” recalled junior Devon Newton, pausing during an unsolicited improvised solo on his alto saxophone. “Regardless, thank goodness for my Slack. It was a real crisis, we were evacuating and I had no idea what on earth – in 2024 or 79 CE – could possibly be happening. We were so in the dark.”
While the campus systems may not be up to the community’s standard, Dumvitch remains an advocate of the system. She offered final remarks whilst feeding the WarnMe technology a carrot.
“We are working passionately and diligently to keep our students safe. Thank God we could alert them of the travesty of Pomepeii, and in the nick of time, too! I want to assure the student body that their safety is of the utmost concern, and we will work even harder to get alerts out about ancient historical events in a timely manner—at least before the last iceberg melts.”