I’d consider myself an expert on this, so I’ll say it: UC Berkeley’s “Big Give” just isn’t giving. Wandering campus daily to distract from the triviality of my existence, I notice Cal indeed “gives” a lot of things, to list a few: it’s giving… hyper-achievement, it’s giving depressed, it’s giving weirdly-turnt, it’s giving ego-death, it’s giving capitalism, it’s giving thrifted, it’s giving stolen land, it’s giving ‘touching squirrels is okay,’ it’s giving weed-topia, it’s giving narcissist, it’s giving olfactory experience, it’s giving lowkey-cute campus, and in some circles, I’d go so far to say Berkeley even gives ‘CUNT’ (high-regard). However, what isn’t “giving” is the whole vibe of this godforsaken institution including “maintenance fees” in our tuition so that underpaid, overworked janitorial staff can wipe the desks of unused, private Regents offices – and then emailing to beg for MORE FUCKING MONEY, blasting my already overflowing inbox (I’m quite popular, but also my department chair won’t shut the fuck up.)
So I can assert with certainty: the Big Give – it isn’t giving. Well fuck… it is, but NOT in a hot way. You know what it’s giving? It’s giving PICK-ME. It’s giving that rich kid pretending to be poor? It’s giving ‘sorry we spent millions on a new Data Science building and not your department restroom’s broken toilets from 1975.’ It’s giving ‘but-but-I’m just a babyyyy’ (you know the voice). It’s giving ‘fuck you haha sorry we almost couldn’t afford your email addresses but wanna donate to a losing football program whose existing endowment is larger than the Class of 2024’s cumulative student loan debt?’ I think I made my point. Simply, it’s NOT giving.