AN AMERICA THAT’S GETTING GREATER BY THE SECOND – Confidence was in the air as Jeremy Smith waltzed out of his first Econ 1 class of the semester on Wednesday, rocking an SAE hat and boardshorts at the fine hour of 7:00pm.
“Look, if I know two things, it’s ZYNs, the US economy, and how Donald Trump is going to fix both of those,” Smith claimed, popping a fresh “upper decky” as he carried on his ideological discussion. “Look, what people don’t understand is that economic demand is influenced by animal spirits, and frankly, Trump has just got that dog in him.”
Smith, who failed last semester after answering a question on how a negative externality on oil could be corrected with a pigouvian tax with a paragraph on how his grandmother lost her cat and how the Hatians in Ohio have something to do with it, brimmed with confidence when asked about his academic performance for this semester.
“Look, did I have a 50% in the class last semester? Sure. But now that big D’s in office, the whole paradigm has shifted, cause my utility is frankly beyond maximized,” Smith explained, whilst also revealing that instead of taking notes on the tariffs section of his lecture today, he wrote “this is liberal propaganda” and then performed a ten minute live rant on the deep state.
Those who sat next to Smith, like freshman Ally Winters, were mildly confused/frightened by the entire affair, with Smith seeming to view the first lecture not as a learning moment but rather a performance.
“He would just start rambling to himself about the crowd size in Butler, Indiana,” Winters explained, while Smith joined the young Republicans group aggressively tabling on Sproul. “He then began to just spout little phrases here and there: “Little Ted Cruz,’ ‘Scamala,’ ‘China,’ ‘Sleepy Joe, ’DEI… I couldn’t help but be interested, but whenever I looked at his notes 90% of his paragraphs were simply ‘the illegals,’ and the other 10% were somehow about trans women in sports.”
While Smith angered some of his classmates, he still managed to gain some support, largely due to the teaching philosophy of Professor James Campbell.
“Look, all economics is about is telling a story, and while Smith’s story was incredibly fucking stupid, it was told in an enticing way, and that’s got to be worth something, right?” Campbell explained, while searching for new techno music to blast before his victims. “The graphs are mostly bullshit anyway, so in reality, how far is Smith from the truth?”
With the econ essay final in full view, Smith is looking forward to writing essays on how Hunter Biden controls the economy and how Biden is secretly a communist sleeper agent.