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Tragic! Male Athlete Sucks at Only Redeeming Quality

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Tag: julia wong

Posted on October 15, 2023 by: Julia Wong

BREAKING: ███████ ██ █ █████████

MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram has ████ mentions of █████ in the recent reporting of the ██████-████ ████ due to █████ of █████ █████. Some …

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Posted on June 29, 2023September 27, 2023 by: Julia Wong

SCOTUS Clarifies ‘Affirmative Action Still Constitutional for White Kids’

WASHINGTON, DC. — Following this morning’s Supreme Court ruling which declared the practice of race-conscious admissions unconstitutional, Chief Justice John Roberts emerged from his chamber …

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Posted on November 16, 2021 by: Julia Wong

OPINION: “Midterm Season” Is a Scam Created by Big Academia to Sell More Exams

As temperatures plummet and the trees on Sproul grow as barren as my social calendar, I know that the seasons have changed. In fact, I …

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Posted on October 21, 2021 by: Julia Wong

To Reduce Long Coffee Lines, GBC to Offer “Grab-and-Go” Cocaine

BERKELEY, Calif — As the only on-campus café where students can spend their flex dollars on caffeine, the Golden Bear Café experiences all-time high traffic …

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Posted on October 14, 2021October 15, 2021 by: Julia Wong

Not Sure How to Network? You’re Not Alone, Assures Campus Wifi

“I just really don’t know what I’m doing and I’m tired of pretending I do,” announced Eduroam in a campus-wide notification, its router light blinking nervously. “Like, there’s all these new people on campus and I only can take so much. Who should I connect with? Who shouldn’t I?”

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