It’s spring semester, and we all know what that means: junior humanities majors have packed up their bags to head to exotic cities like Florence, Barcelona, Paris, any city that speaks English in Europe, and Florence. But sadly, these humanities majors are really struggling as they’re all completely broke.
“I mean, I have like NO money!” Kappa Kappa Gamma member Brooke Tanner told us while sipping on a six Euro glass of wine (because it’s cheaper than water here*). “I like spent all my money on flights so it’s, like, I’m seriously penniless.” Tanner continued unaware of the socioeconomic privilege she possesses that allows her to go abroad. “LOL, I’m gonna start a GoFundMe! My friend did that to help pay for medical bills once and got a ton of money!”
But, sadly, Tanner is not the only person struggling with such debt; other students all around Europe are also bankrupt, such as Britney Jessop studying in Barcelona.
“I just hate being so unabashedly poor. Now I know what it means to be ‘basic needs insecure’ or whatever,” remarked Jessop as she put on a Givenchy blouse and made a Boomerang of her balcony view, courtesy of her worldwide unlimited data plan paid for by her father.
Luckily for Jessop, her mom also Venmoed her a small loan – which she doesn’t have to pay back, of course – of $2,000 “each month” to help her from “starving on the streets!”
“It’s just nice to be like not super underprivileged and poor anymore! Luckily, I can buy my flights to Croatia for Spring break now and still have like barely enough money to go out to the clubs tonight with my cultured abroad friends.” Jessop continued, unaware that all her friends were from Michigan and Wisconsin and not really cultured at all.
“I just like have to make sure I have enough to get super drunk tonight or else it’s like no fun.” Jessop continued, despite us not asking, “Plus for some reason, people actually from Spain try and talk to me in Spanish and I have to be like wasted to utilize my AP level Spanish and respond. Wow, I just love my city so much!”
Overall, it’s really inspiring to see so many students breaking out of the poverty cycle and learning smart financial choices for their future. “LOL, I went to happy hour today just to get cheap drinks instead of going to a rooftop bar! Ugh, It’s so hard being poor jaja!! Now I know how all those kids who are on like FASFA feel. Oh, another glass of wine waiter! It’s cheaper than water!!!!*”
*We looked up the menu. The wine was, in fact, not cheaper than water.