The Free Peach

Hey fuckers! There are no classes tomorrow, so let’s do what any responsible Golden Bear should: drink! Here’s a great drinking game that allows you to fully participate in UC Berkeley’s binge culture while celebrating the incompetence of PG&E. 

1. Buy a bottle of Everclear from Safeway with a fake ID – This is what you drink now.
2. Drink a beer while taking a bath with your phone charging nearby.
3. Take a shot every time there is wind.
4. For every day that power stays out, finish an entire fifth.
5. Drink one White Claw for every class you would have had on Wednesday.
6. Shotgun a FourLoko if you were supposed to have a midterm.
7. Take a shot every time someone says “I was actually going to go to class tomorrow, too!”
8. Double all of your drinks if your professor doesn’t cancel their midterm.
9. Drink every time someone complains about their fridge not working.
10. Poop in dark (scary!)
11. Brand yourself utilizing the flames of your candles; if you don’t, that’s another shot!
12. Drink every time someone asks if you have a portable charger, and double it if you do but don’t let them borrow it.
13. Drink every time someone suggests raiding a store for supplies.
14. Take a shot every time someone calls the blackout some variation of a “Bay Area Snow Day”.
15. Dye all of your drinks black with food coloring or just don’t fucking drink at all you unfestive fuck.
16. Listen to the album “Blackout” by Britney Spears; drink any time she:
    1. Says “it’s Britney, bitch”.
    2. Is bad at singing but still glamorous.
    3. Sings “Piece of Me” (because that’s probably the only song on the album you know) for the entirety of the song
17. Go goth for the day. I’m talking full on black tears Billie Eilish shit. Syringes, bats, winged eyeliner, combat boots. Take 666 shots if you don’t.
18. Drink every time you think about how much energy this is saving the planet because helping the environment is important!!!
19. But then take a shot when you remember how inconvenienced you are and your wifi doesn’t connect. 
20. Shotgun a beer when you finally decide you would rather have wifi (because that’s the next generation’s problem and you need to watch e-boys on Tik Tok). 
21. Drink the blood of a mortal enemy every time someone suggests starting a wildfire even though PG&E is REALLY not about that shit.

If you are somehow still coherent after this, your alcohol tolerance is too high and you should probably get your liver checked out. Or you are reading this and don’t live in the Bay Area which is also pretty concerning. Find something better to do with your time.