I want my money back

Did you know it costs between $50-$250 to neuter your dog? Of course, there are the DIY Pinterest types that prefer an at-home brisk, but for the average person, the price fluctuates depending on the size and age of your dog. Since my dog is a Chihuahua, I thought the price would be closer to $50, however, I failed to take into account that my Chihuahua, Dr. Peppér, has a Scottish-Deerhound-sized dong. 


For reference view the pictures above. On the left is a Chihuahua and on the right is a Scottish Deerhound. To reiterate, my dog is on the left but has the penis of the dog on the right. 

I had to pay $450 to ensure that Dr. Peppér couldn’t plant his seed. All of that money that could’ve been spent on any number of useful purchases; for instance, buying admission to approximately 7 improv shows at Cal. But alas, I put my insecurities aside and neutered my dog because overpopulation of Chihuahuas is a serious issue and I am nothing if not a caring citizen. 

You will therefore understand how appalled I was to find Dr Peppér, doing only what can be described as power-bottoming the neighbor’s French Poodle, Roger. I consider myself a loyal ally to the LGBTQ+ cause, but as happy as I was to see Dr Peppér embracing his true self, I simply could not believe that I had wasted $450, which could have bought me a parking pass for one and a half minutes in Berkeley. 

After careful consideration I concluded that it was completely within my rights to request a refund from the veterinarian. Unfortunately, the veterinarian thought my reasoning was flawed and had the audacity to propose “perhaps Dr. Peppér is just going through a phase.” Enraged, I forcefully demanded a refund to which Dr. Roger, nervous and sweating, said he simply could not give me my money back but he could compensate me in a different, slightly unusual way.

Anyway, I now have the balls of Dr. Peppér in my freezer and I am selling them for the VERY REASONABLE price of $450. Only used once, utilities not included, contact me at marcfisher@berkeley.edu for more details. 

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