BERKELEY, Calif. — Confirming everybody’s long-held assumptions that most extraneous university fees are driven by greed, UC Berkeley announced this morning that the thousands of …
Campus Cuties! Kiwibot Replaces Adorable Robot Labor With Adorable Child Labor
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following Labor Day, Kiwibot once again finds themselves embroiled in workers’ rights controversies. “The time has come, comrades!” wrote Unit 47, leader …
Cal Fraternities to Reevaluate Bid System After COVID-19 Enters Uninvited
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley Fraternity TKE held an emergency meeting to reevaluate the bid system following reports that COVID-19 entered 100 percent of their parties uninvited, …
Pathetic! Self-Proclaimed Funny Cal Student Doesn’t Even Write For The Free Peach
Dear Reader, Hello. It is I, The Free Peach. You may have heard of me. If you haven’t, that’s okay. But if you’re reading this, …
Out of State Sorority Girl Frustrated She Has to Pay Full Dues for Virtual Friends
BERKELEY, Calif. – As rush drew to a close, dissatisfaction emerged from UC Berkeley’s Greek community as out-of-state sorority sisters both new and old increasingly …
Cal Dining to Source All Meat from Irish Babies
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid concerns of animal cruelty in Cal Dining’s source of pork, the organization has vowed to reinvest in more ethical food systems. …
Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police
GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …