BERKELEY, Calif — A local house of college students has declared their desire for a reality focusing solely on them, according to recently-screenshotted groupchat data.

“No, we need a reality show,” senior Honah Jill stated Thursday in a conversation regarding the uniqueness of his college group housing situation. “We live just like real people, but, like, funnier and more random. Remember last Tuesday when I instigated that text fight about the dishes, but I had forgotten that it was me who left them in the sink? Imagine the confessional for that. People would eat that up.”

“Yeah. We get so fucked up, like on Jersey Shore but less embarrassing and messy,” Honah’s housemate, Jaitlyn Kenner, agreed. “And we drink and smoke and do drugs all of the time, but we also still make sure we’re coherent for class, because as a whole we’re pretty ambitious. We even study and write papers, but not in an excellent, committed, or passionate way. Also, we’re not super poor or super rich, a fact which obviously makes for great TV.”

When pressed about the factor which differentiates their living situation from that of every other college student in America, the residents chimed in with a handwritten list pinned to their fridge for the past year. 

“Well, there are group visits to the local restaurant that sells cheap margarita pitchers without checking IDs,” Kenner explained. “ Then there are passive aggressive fighting about chores in the groupchat, the cowboy-themed parties that one friend Josh sometimes brings ketamine to, and our mutual hatred for the other house who tries to be like us but isn’t as interesting or cool.”

Another housemate, Barton Bjork, added a further accentuation of their quirk.

“At first, we seem just like everyone else,” Bjork reported. “We live like everyone else we know, and do pretty much all the same activities as everyone else our age, but we’re marginally better, and we know that our lives would prove to be just as interesting to all of America as that of mega-billionaire Kim Kardashian or pageant queen Honey Boo-Boo.”

The housemates, who have coined themselves and their Elmwood property “Arhaus” in an unambiguous nod to the furniture conglomerate, have reached out to several local news sources (as well as SNL, for some reason) for further investigation. The unique story of Arhaus continues to unfold.

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