At The Free Peach, we love April Fools’ Day as much as anyone. Many of our staff are self-identifying fools and/or fool allies, and we appreciate the opportunity to celebrate this unique and diverse community that has offered so much to the world. In recent years, fools have made incredible strides — becoming prominent politicians, CEOs, hedge fund managers, university administrators, social media influencers, and satirists, among other things. Unfortunately, in spite of these accomplishments, fools remain mocked, stereotyped, and marginalized by society. In particular, we must acknowledge the elephant in the room: ‘April Fools’ Day’ is rooted in pervasive and harmful stereotypes of fool culture. To dismantle these stereotypes and reclaim April Fools’ Day for the fool community, we recommend the cancellation of the following problematic behaviors:
1. Engaging in elaborate hoaxes or pranks. Despite popular misconceptions, fools don’t exist just to participate in your silly practical jokes. They’re not going to pass Medicare for All and cancel your student loan debt. Stop asking.
2. Saying ‘If you just work hard and believe in yourself, you can achieve your dreams.’ Appropriating fool culture is NEVER okay.
3. Quoting Mr. T’s ‘I pity the fool’ line from Rocky III. Though it was largely accepted at the time, this decades-old quote has long haunted the fool community. It is also trademarked by Mr. T.
4. Attending the International Clown Festival in Odessa, Ukraine. Insensitive, in light of recent events.
5. Wantonly accusing politicians of being ‘fools’ and ‘idiots.’ This is incredibly unfair. Most politicians are simply corrupt.
6. Celebrating Cyprus National Day. The fool community is not a monolith. While the community is split on the sovereignty of Cyprus, some find its acknowledgement deeply offensive and may treat it as a declaration of war against the community.
7. Asking for an extension on your rent payment. Although it coincides with the first of the month, most landlord’s don’t recognize April Fool’s Day and refuse low-balling your rent as “prank.” Cough up your $1,250 just like you do on the 1st of every other month.
8. Changing your grading option for CS70 to ‘Letter Grade’ the night before the deadline. Yeah, you can go ahead and kiss your GPA goodbye.
9. Repeatedly calling yourself ‘stupid’ because you’re deeply insecure and desperately want your friends to compliment you out of pity. Nobody like a smart aleck, but pretending to be a fool for likes is pretty fucking low. We do this because we have to, not because we want to.
10. Trying to access campus Wi-Fi. Even the most foolish of fools would never attempt such a futile exercise.