BERKELEY, Calif. — Conservation and Resource Studies major Clark Morrison celebrated his graduation from the Rausser College of Natural Resources on Sunday by bidding a …
“This Is Literally 1984!” Cries Conservative Who Would Prefer to Take Us Back to the Dark Ages
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking but also entirely unsurprising decision, the self-described ‘apolitical institution’ that is the Supreme Court of the United States has …
Top Ten Pirate Shanties to Listen to This Argh Argh Argh Week
Ahoy, ye blue-and-yellow-bellied scallywags! Argh Argh Argh week is upon us! Lest ye wish to walk the plank, celebrate by belting out these festive shanties …
Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …
Elon Musk Celebrates Earth Day By Leaving
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Forgoing his usual performative grandstanding, Elon Musk has decided to permanently end his contribution to the climate crisis by jettisoning himself …
Disappointing Dick Pic Made Palatable by Beautiful Cherry Blossoms in Background
BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Richard Hardman relieved himself from the embarrassment of a less-than-impressive dick pic last Saturday by framing his penis in front of …
Reconciling With April Fools’ Day’s Problematic Depictions of Fool Culture
At The Free Peach, we love April Fools’ Day as much as anyone. Many of our staff are self-identifying fools and/or fool allies, and we …
Will Smith Finally Tired of Other Men Screaming Out His Wife’s Name
LOS ANGELES — At this year’s Academy Awards, Will Smith open-hand smacked Chris Rock in an attempt to defend his much-publicized marriage to actress Jada …
Lindsey Graham Faces Bipartisan Backlash After Advocating for His Own Assassination on Twitter
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., received bipartisan backlash after he seemingly advocated his own assassination. “My fellow loyal patriots — I urge you …
Student in Intro to Tamil Suddenly Feels Pressure to Pronounce His Own Name Correctly
BERKELEY, Calif.— “Oh God, oh fuck,” were the only words sophomore Tirunavukkarasar Thamilselvan could muster last Wednesday when he was suddenly asked to pronounce his …